Friday, June 28, 2013

Life Inspires

So I’m in Target a few months ago, standing in an isle looking for a conditioner for my daughter.    It’s pretty late and the store is about to close and I notice two dudes checking me out at the end of the isle.  Not only are they looking at me, they are whispering and pointing AND looking at me.  I’m thinking, “Holy shitake, I’m about to be Taken!” and I do not have the ex-military, Liam Neeson-type dad on the phone to describe my would-be attackers to.  I should do what any woman who has a muse sitting on her shoulder would do.  I digress.  You do know my muse is a violent biznatch who threatens me, right? 
Anyway, two scenarios pop into my head:
1. Find the nearest security guard and start telling on my two potential assailants.
 2.  Follow my muse, Cheyenne’s advice.  She tells me to mace them both in the mouth, watch out for the mace-mist that is most likely going to come back to haunt me and then kick their asses until they beg me to stop. 
I hear the first guy say, and I’m paraphrasing here, “She looks pretty and clean.”  Ummm… WTF!  No one would take me in a brightly lit store, would they?  I know I’m in Target, but crazy people do the darndest things.  They both start to walk toward me, so option two looks like the only way to go.  I slide my finger in the Mace-O-Matic trigger and get ready.  Guy number one doesn’t notice but guy number two has already slowed down. 
Am I a bad-ass or what!
A huge smile breaks across the first guys face and he asks, “Miss, are you married?” 
I turn to face him, finger still on the trigger, and tell him that yes, I am very married. 
Fist guy: “I knew it!  The clean pretty ones always are.”
Second guy:  “She also has mace in her hand.”
First guy’s voice now goes up a few octaves:  “Are you going to mace me?”
Me:  “I don’t know yet.”
Second guy:  “He’s trying to find me a wife.”
Me:  “Umm, leering and whispering about a ‘clean and pretty’ woman is not the way to do it.”
First guy:  “I didn’t mean to scare you.  You just look like a nice person and I’m trying to find my boy a date.” 
Me:  “You almost found you both in the Emergency Room, but thanks for the, err, compliment.”
First guy:  “Have a goodnight, Miss.  Your husband is a lucky man.”
Second guy, whispering to first guy:  “He should be a scared man, too.”
So, why did I share this extremely true story?  And seriously, it is true. Because ideas can come from anywhere.  I’ve been thinking about what happened that night and I finally came up with a short story.  Yes, it has a supernatural spin, but most of my stories do. 
Life is inspiring.  You just have to look at it and let your muse play with it.  If you ever experience the infamous ‘writers-block’, just start writing.  Write about what you did today.  What you would have done in the same situation if you were a fairy, or a Valkyrie, or a vampire!  Or just a regular human who lives life just the way you do.  
 But either way, I'm a badd-ass that was going to kick some ass!

weng weng

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