Monday, July 20, 2015

The Dangers of Flossing

It’s a little after 2am. I’m conditioning my hair with eggs, mayo and honey and I just finished eating hummus and carrots. And pita chips. Mmm, chips.  I’ve got about ten more minutes to kill before rinsing out my awesome conditioning concoction, and I decide to floss. Alas, my husband used all of the floss last night but neglected to write ‘floss’ on the To Buy list.

All I can hear in my head is Wild Bill from Silence of the Lambs scream at my hubby, “It writes the floss on the market list!” in his best It puts the lotion in the basket voice. But that’s neither here nor there. Those are just the weird things that go floating around in my brain from time to time.
But I digress.

I go searching through the bathroom closet looking for those little hand-held plastic flossing thingies. I know I picked some up at a dollar store a few weeks ago for two bucks.
Finally, after like one whole minute of searching I find them; sitting on top of my hair supplies like it owns them. I pull out a few and get to work, finding bits of carrots and pepperoni hiding. I get between the last two teeth at the back of my mouth, right side, and force the floss down. 

Side note: I had braces when I was younger and now only use the Glide Floss. You could probably string a guitar with that stuff but it fits between my teeth. They are weirdly close together in that one spot in the back. 

Moving on. 

After forcing the floss between the teeth and gently sliding up and down and back and forth, I try to pull the floss free. 

It decides it wants to hang around for a bit. 

So, I start (gently) pulling and the freakin’ floss is still (gently) refusing to budge. I stand there for a minute, drooling while the plastic floss thing is hanging halfway out of my mouth. I'm going to 'go hard' and yank it free. What’s the worst that could happen?

After yanking and damn near snatching my teeth out of my head, I silently scream so that I won’t wake my daughter and continue drooling like a wild animal that just had two teeth pulled out. Needless to say, the dentist is going to get a visit from yours truly this week. I think I did some damage. 

Moral to the story: there isn’t one. It’s now almost four in the morning and I’m sleepy.  

Just sharing!

Monday, March 30, 2015

Free download?

I’ve been reading. I’ve also been buying way too many books that I will only be able to read if I start reading now and don’t stop until my time on this lovely planet is up. Add a few more years to that and then I should be able to finish all the books on my Kindle and Nook app. Not to mention the prints that I pick up when one walks by and grabs me by the eyes.
Here’s the kicker: I’ve come to realize that I don’t like to pay .99 cents for 40 pages worth of writing. Don’t get me wrong! There are tons of authors who are kicking butt and taking names with that strategy. Fist bump to you. High five to you!
It’s just not me. I stopped buying those books last year and then I realized something. I was one of those authors!!! I’m sorry. Accept my apology.
Hunted by Angels was .99 cents for about 45 pages. Finding Angels was .99 cents for 80 pages.
So here is my solution…
Hunted by Angels, the complete novel, is finished. I’m going to upload the entire book through the original HBA link on Kindle and Nook. That means that all of you wonderful people who have purchased  Hunted by Angels already will be able to get an update. An update of the entire novel. For. Free.
For. Free.
‘Cause I love you guys. And ‘cause I’m a reader who understands that I can purchase an entire novel for .99 cents.
There it is. My big announcement. Hunted by Angels: the novel, will be available April 23, 2015. You’ll get to see what happened after ‘you know who’ was killed. You’ll get to see who the heck Perry really is. And you’ll get to see just how sinfully delicious Haines can be when he’s not being a bag of douche.

I can’t wait!! I hope you can’t either.